Wasted

What does it mean to be wasted? According to Dictionary.com the word means: to consume or spend uselessly or without adequate return; to destroy or consume gradually; to wear down or reduce in bodily substance, health, or strength; to destroy, devastate, or ruin. According to this definition, being wasted is like drinking until you throw up. Maybe it can be considered as taking some other form of illicit drug until you are disconnected from reality. If that is the case then I want to be wasted on writing. I want to have so many books out that I am nicknamed the science fiction and fantasy version of Stephen King, in other words, “White Boy Wasted”. {That was supposed to be a funny, check the rap song.}

I know that the word wasted may seem out of place or out of context but at times I truly do feel as if writing is something that I am doing which is consuming my time without an adequate return. I invest my own personal finances into the production and publication of my book. Most importantly I invest time and time you cannot get back. Surely, you can perceive time as flowing in a river that is shaped like an egg so that what goes around eventually comes back around but again we return to the issue of time and how long will it take for a missed opportunity to swing back around again. So what have a received in return for my labors, certainly not riches. But then again, I am doing this for more than just earthly riches. {However, do not misunderstand me, they would be nice to have every once in a while.}

Does wasted mean that you are no longer any good, used up, washed out, inebriated to the point of incapacitation?

If so, then so be it.

Why?

Because this is what I chose.

Before I even knew that I would be on this path, I was acquiring skills that would help me reach my current goal. {Which was to publish a book.} With memories from decades ago where I crudely taught myself to draw through trial and error; until this day I do the same thing with the maps that decorate the pages inside my debut novel, Heaven’s Fate. Hopefully the fans will like the new and improved maps that will be revealed with the release of my second novel, Winter’s Legacy. Now that I have reached my goal of being an indie, self-published author, now that I have climbed that mountain, I stand on the peak and realize that on the horizon are mountains in the distance that rise even higher than the one I am currently standing on.

So therefore I have no choice but to be wasted on writing. {Do you know how many words Stephen King has written? Just thinking about it gets my fingers aching and my back stiff.} That is the only way I am going to climb those other mountains. It was a grueling climb just to complete one book; a perilous journey filled with twists and turns, doubts and setbacks but also with highs and lows and moments of euphoria that no drug could match. With that being said, I want people to know that in the nicest way possible, I plan to O.D. on writing because it is all that I have and I realized that it is all that I ever need.

She is a brutal mistress, that blinking cursor.

Damn her, damn her and her constant, incessant, nagging.

Oh, how she haunts me.

Oh, how she calls to me ever so sweetly.

She seduces me into gently moving her forward, working my fingers with tender dexterity.

She strips away the white husk to reveal a dark, sweet, truth underneath.

~ Andre Alan